feel me! feel me! says the now.

 
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me. journaling. sitting down with some allergic reaction since some days. wandering mind. restless heart.

what's itching me?

what's going under my skin?

what's making me react?

what am i allergic to?

my heart wants things that don't make sense in my mind.

that’s why I’m afraid to follow that calling.

i feel i can't combine mind and heart. am i just not seeing the solution cause i'm to attached to the outcome?

is fear of failing holding me back? fear of choosing a path?

fear that it AGAIN it is not the right one and that

I have to change AGAIN? fear of wasting time?

bullshit.

it's fear of being alone forever.

it's fear of finding out that i'm truly a failure.

that i deserve all that pain.

that i deserve all that rejection.

that i'm just not worthy, not good enough for any man or anyone.

too much for any man or anyone.

fear to find out that i'm just not capable of loving.

bullshit.

i know that's all not true.

so what's beyond all that?

what is it really?

it's that deep inner knowing that something big is awaiting me.

it's that deep inner feeling that pulls me.

that deep inner longing to find home.

that deep inner love for my own freedom.

that deep inner longing to settle and devote myself.

that deep inner fear to commit to something and miss my purpose.

to get stuck on secondary stuff.

again.

that nagging want to know it all!

to have it figured out.

to be successful and have it all sorted and proof myself.

arrrgh!

and then i ask myself: do you trust?

and i hear that inner light shining a bright YES.

a calm and settled one.

no one is gonna come and safe you.

time and patience will stop that itching.

time and patience will soothe me.

itching is putting me in the present moment. screaming at me. demanding.

feel me! feel me! says the now.

trust makes you feel safe and at home in your skin. wherever you are.

wherever you are with your life vision.

wherever you are with your finances, partnership, inner healing, longing, creations.

trust the trust!

I do!

Thank you, Sanya, for reminding me!

Love, Sanya

 
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