There is nothing to heal or fix! - pondering about the spiritual language and our fixing - addiction
The following is not really an article. It is more of a public sharing of some of my unsorted thoughts and processes while I’m here at the Hridaya Yoga School in Mexico.
See it as a little diary sharing from my internal world with you.
who am i?
who am i beyond my fears and doubts and ego and wishes and aspirations?
who am i when i’m not trying to transform or change anything?
spending my time at hridaya yoga is challenging me. challenging me to slow down.
like for real.
internally and mentally.
starting each day at seven in the morning with one hour heart meditation.
being in silence until 11.45 am each day.
a ten day silent retreat coming soon.
supporting the kitchen team five hours a day to feed a hundred people.
a super slow and meditative yoga practice every day.
internalizing. no where to rush.
no where to run to.
nothing to plan. nothing to figure out.
and i can feel the panic.
like...who am i when i’m not planning anything?
must i not plan SOMEthing at least?
prepare, figure out, solve.
change, transmute, transform.
more, more, more! - screams the ego.
slow down, silence! - pleads the soul.
it is a beautiful and challenging space where i’m in. all this peace and mindset of “it’s all there! you simply exist. that’s enough. you are enough. stop doing and just be!”...so simple, yet so difficult to fully live on a daily basis.
Remember! - But practice!
I see in many spiritual circles at the moment the idea or slogan or mindset “You just have to remember! There is nothing to do! You are perfect as you are”
And this is so right!
BUT! - It still needs practice and practice and practice! Simply remembering on a knowledge level doesn’t help. It might start your process, but you wont change for long from there. You will have to experience that refound wisdom over and over again. Overwrite your self harming beliefs. Overwrite your thoughts that keep you small or make you angry. Get your emotions that block you our of your system. Not only by remembering that you are whole, but by developing a practice and lifestyle that shows you that day over day again. Otherwise it will become just another collection of knowledge in your internal library. But you don’t want to extend THAT one. You want to FEEL again. To FEEL that you are whole and enough rather than knowing it.
So what is my challenge here?
I’m getting daily downloads and ideas for my business and workshops that I want to give and pictures I want to paint and places I want to go to.
BUT!…resting. letting it sink in.
the worst internet connection ever.
such a curse and blessing! 😉
i really have to slow down for now. finding the balance.
one very present thing that came up, is my struggle with the words of the so called conscious community. that one that constantly wants to emerge and evolve and expand and change and transmute and heal.
...cause we don’t need to change or fix or heal anything!
if we feel the calling to move on or change or progress or regress or whatever...we want to simply embrace what is there and work with that. not push anything away or label it or make it worth to overcome it.
cause guess what?
many things in our life will never go away!
or will even return!
we have to learn to live WITH everything that is there.
use it. embrace it. make it our strength.
using our inner alchemist!
I personally still like and resonate with the word TRANSFORM.
traditional alchemy uses the word "transform" a lot. transforming silver into gold. transforming a lower material into a higher one.
But mind you! - I don't want to give myself or you the impression that some parts of us are lower. or less worth than others.
all parts of us are here for a reason.
all of them are valuable, cause we can learn from them.
learn what we are here to learn for.
our souls have chosen long ago which lessons they were coming for in this lifetime. what they need to encounter in order to learn.
it is about merging what we have. Using ALL our parts.
learning our lessons and integrating them.
and yes! - sometimes our lifes don't seem great and fulfilling.
so we want to change them. improve. that is just a natural human behavior.
the cells of our bodies renew themselves constantly. the structure of our hair changes every seven years. our thoughts change every moment.
that longing for transforming and renewing is anchored deep in our cells and cycles.
we live , we die, we live, we renew.
the word transforming is valuable for me as long as we use it with the awareness that it doesn’t mean that there are bad and better parts within us.
we want to come from a mindset that doesn’t tell us that anything right now is not right or good or appropriate. stop that feeling of not being enough!
all this search, as spiritual as it might be, is just contributing to the feeling of lack and not being complete.
one day i’ll be there! one day i’ll have learned enough! one day, one day, one day!
"pleasure alchemy - embracing pain. creating life"
maybe i want to change my slogan.
i don't know.
just public brainstorming.
to create sounds much more liberated for me.
embracing sounds inclusive.
it’s a very subtle energy. and you might not even agree or feel the same.
but i do. and my energy has to be aligned a hundred percent with my business.
for now. all is ever changing and that might not be the last change.
i’m sure it will not be the last change.
it’s an ongoing journey and
I love the CREATEivity it allows me to express ♥️